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For some mysterious marital reason that I cannot possibly begin to understand, my wife never really says what she means. She prefers to talk in riddles that I am supposed to somehow decipher.
Here is a perfect example. Anytime my bride asks me to do something, “when I have a chance”, she expects me to know that she is speaking in her secret marriage code and that she actually means “RIGHT NOW, MISTER!”
To pretend otherwise is both foolhardy and dangerous.
Sadly, this presents a problem in our marriage because when it comes to doing the seemingly constant chores around the house, I consider myself to be both practical and predictable. That is another way of saying I perpetually prefer procrastination over promptness.
I cannot be persuaded that my partner’s persistent parade of pesky predicaments should become my primary priority.
Here is the issue in a nutshell. All of the joyless junk my spouse endlessly jabbers about (the unnecessary, unimportant, unpleasant things that need to be done – but that I don’t want to do) requires me to leave my recliner and 75” TV. Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that’s no way to live.
Unfortunately, my wife and I seem to operate on completely different schedules. What she considers to be an urgent matter that requires my immediate attention is something I always think can be put off until I’m good and ready. (I realize that’s bold talk, but she never reads this little blog.)
As you might imagine, these diametrically opposed viewpoints can cause a certain amount of friction, not to mention yelling by my bride at an ear-splitting volume that would drown out the jet engines of a 747. (I find that being the loudest does not necessarily make you right – but it does scare the bejesus out of the cat.)
Thankfully, I can crank up the surround sound and drown out most of the screeching. Through exhaustive practice, I’ve even learned to ignore the comical gyrating gestures my spouse resorts to when I can no longer hear her. Of course, I don’t dare crack a smile at her maniacal motions for fear it could result in a shortened life span.
But, be that as it may, I refuse to be rushed into taking action on some trifling triviality that can easily be put off until tomorrow, or better yet, FOREVER. That is an appealing time frame that works for me.
However, right now, I’ve got to cut this short because the game is about to come on TV. I want to grab some tasty snacks, a cold beverage, and stretch out in my recliner as I attempt to avoid any irritating interference from the love of my life that might disturb my personal paradise.
Marital Madness 